Sonic Randomity
by Matrix The Hedgehog
Summary: Get ready to have your mind blown by the most insane Sonic crackfic ever. I did this for the lulz, and the poor writing, grammar, spelling, punctuation and unnecessary capitalisation is done on purpose. Mature content.


Sonic Randomity

So basically, yeah, there's this hedgehog called Sonic, and he's blue, and he's really fast, like REALLY fast. This girl is chasing him, called Amy. She's a complete bitch and it's very important that you hate her, especially in this fanfic. So, yeah, she's just like:

"Oh, Sonic! I love you so much! There's no way outta marrying me!" Thats kinda stupid if ya ask me, coz, like HOW da FUCK! Is a 12 year old bitch gonna force a 15 year old superhero who can destroy giant robots by hitting them only THREE times to marry her? She's just stupid! Don't you agree? AGREE! YOU MUST! Anyways, like I was saying, Sonic gets REAL mad, an' he turns around an' does a swift (w00t! Good vocab!) backhand punch to her mouth, breaking her jaw and splattering blood everywhere. Then he licks the blood off his fist and says:

"Mmm, saltaaaayyy! Good thing I cracked her Egg jaw wiiiiiiide open! Yeah! Let's party!" Then he realises, that, like, he's acting crazy in public and just knocked out a 12 year old girl, so everyone's starin' at him.

"Sonic's the name, speed's my game!" he yells, and disappears in a blue flash, that was, like... really... blue. Of course, nobody rushes to help Amy because she's a total bitch an' everyone hates her. But then, like, TAILS! Sprints across the road and uses the special healing gun that he stole from Shadow that he used in his solo game, Shadow the Hedgehog, which is like, completely useless (da gun, not da game), because it HEALS STUFF! DAS STUPID! Anyway, he uses it and Amy is better again (NOOOOOO!) Tails, of course, bein' da perv he is, makes her bend over and starts shagging her. Of course, Amy enjoys it, coz, like, she's a total slut.

BUH DEEEEENNNNNN... Shadow himself gets pissed off in all his amazing badassery because Tails stole his gun, jumps on a GUN (GUN, not gun) motorbike that happens to be conveniently (W00000T! MOAR GOOD VOCAB!) lying around and runs over Tails with it, shattering Tails' spine. Tails comes back to life coz, like, he had an extra life. Den he runs away like a pussy and goes after Sonic because he is totally un-independent. Shadow pushes Amy up against da wall and starts raping her up the ass. It hurts, but nobody helps her because Shadow is so amazingly badass and could kill dem in five seconds, an' nobody likes Amy anyway.

UNFORCHENATLY... Da giant, crazy-ass GUN truck from City Escape drives in outta NOWHERE and splatters Shadow an' Amy into da wall dat Shadow was raping her against. Unfortunately (hey, if I can spell dat rite here dem why didn't I spell it rite before?) dat useless-as-shit (WAIT! Shit IS useful foar fertilizin' da farmers wife... I mean crops!) healing gun esplodes and Amy is near it so she gets healed (DAMMIT BITCH! WHY WON'T YOU DIE!1!1111!?) Of course, Shadow doesn't die either, coz he's, like, almost as badass as Chuck Norris. Naw... he's moar badass den dat. He, like is as badass as Bruce Norris (teh combination of Chuck Norris an' Bruce Lee). Naw... he moar badass! He as badass as Shadow-Jackie-Bruce-Li-Jet-Norris-Chuck-Chan-Lee The Hedgehog!1 (a cumbine-ayshun of Shadow, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Jet Li, and Chuck Norris) Dat makes him SUPA badass, the epitome (W00T!1!1 SUPA AWESOME VOCAB! AM ON A ROLE TOODAY!1 ) of awesomeness and badassery.

Anyways, it turns out dat teh Truck wuz being drived by that slutty, BATSHIT INSANE (geddit? Coz she's, like, a bat...? Seriously? No-one? Douchebags.) bitch Rouge. Shadow got out his gun an' shot her in the face. Unfortunately, Shadow lost his badassery foar half a second an' accidentally shot her with teh useless-as-shit healing gun. Dis gave Amy enough time to hit Shadow with her hammer. Forchunately, Shadow became badass again and stomped his rocket skates on her face, burning it off instantly and setting fire to her brain.

"OMFG! I'M DEAD!" (WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK!) she said (Wait, how'd she say dat if she wuz dead?)

Anyways, Sephiroth saw wat was happening and began anal raping her dead carcass. All the gay Sephiroth fanboys cooed in delight as they saw their favourite gay Final Fantasy character getting some straight, necrophile-tastic action. However, I do not approve of negrophiles (oops, I mean necrophiles, did any black ppl get uffended?) so I cut him down wit mah amazing author powers.

So then Tails comes in outta da blue (meaning Sonics ass) and kicks Shadow in da face foar killing the girl he was shagging two pages back. Shadow doesn't even flinch, and rams his phat, 20-inch giant black cock down Tails' throat (coz u KNOW you're badass when you're bi-curious!) Tails loves this as he is a gay neGrophile and the last time he got sexual action wuz two pages back. Shadow starts reaching his climax and rips his cock outta Tails' mouth as it grows to an enormous size (Shadow's cock, not Tails' mouth) and he fuses with Shadow-Jackie-Bruce-Li-Jet-Norris-Chuck-Chan-Lee The Hedgehog to become SHADOW-Shadow-Jackie-Bruce-Li-Jet-Norris-Chuck-Chan-Lee The Hedgehog, and den his humongous black-white-asian-interracial cock cums, creating the most powerful, awesome, badass orgasm in the universe, which engulfs the entire world and drowns everyone in thick, juicy, interracial cum. Knuckles yells WHAT THE FUCK! and then is about to complain about only getting to say 3 words in this stupid fail of a story, but is drowned out by all the cum that washes into the mouths and down the throats of himself and everyone around him.

Forchunately, when Shadow orgasms all his badassery goes out of his penis in his cum. Sonic manages to absorb this somehow and transforms into Super-Dark-Hyper-Darkspines-Excalibur-SHADOW-Shadow-Jackie-Bruce-Li-Jet-Norris-Chuck-Chan-Lee-The-Hedgehog-Sonic. He floats above Teh Earth in a glorious blaze of amazing omnipotence (DAZ RITE! I STILL GOT DOSE GOOD VOCABZ!1111!1!1!)

"This world is contaminated, ruined, and completely covered with Shadow's badass cum. I should put it out its misery. In other words, I must destroy it." An astronaut floated past in his spacesuit.

"Pull my finger." Super-Dark-Hyper-Darkspines-Excalibur-SHADOW-Shadow-Jackie-Bruce-Li-Jet-Norris-Chuck-Chan-Lee-The-Hedgehog-Biggie-Balls-Smalls-Sonic commands. The astronaut does as he is told and teh UNI-MULTI-SOLOVERSE esplodes, den implodes, den esplodes again in a flash of awesome Biggie Balls Smalls badassery.

TEH END.


End file.
